NTs Are Weird

Most disabled people face continual prejudice; they have to fight for, only to often not actually get, good jobs, support, the ability to live in the community, and an appropriate education, among many other things.

However, I see some errors that a lot of people fall into when thinking about success. People outside the disability community, and some successful people (in a non-disabled-person’s view of success) inside the community will tell someone who is having a rough time with a system that continually abuses them that the person being abused just needs to “try harder.” This is a form of blaming the victim. There are plenty of disabled people who try just as hard as successful disabled people, have just as much ability, yet don’t manage to overcome society’s prejudices. That’s not a failing of the disabled person, it’s a failing of society, and any words of correction should be directed appropriately: to society, not the victim.

But that’s not the error I want to talk about. The one I want to talk about is the perspective of a successful (in whatever sense) disabled person. Now, I know this will seem unfair to people who haven’t achieved whatever success that the successful person has, as it may sound like whining from someone that “has it all”, and “hasn’t had difficulties in life like me.”

I talked a bit about this in You Have it So Good. You can have success and still have real problems at the same time. One person, who is in an institution, receiving support that feeds, bathes, and helps with elimination might be just as disabled as a disabled person who runs a department with 50 employees. Seriously…at least in any seemingly objective measure of severity (not that I believe such concepts have any use – they don’t). The manager of 50 employees still might need help with feeding, bathing, and elimination, and may have difficulties that the other disabled person doesn’t. Seriously.

But that’s not quite the error I want to mention, either. The prejudice I am increasingly facing comes from people with disabilities who are upset at how they have been treated by the world. They have every right to be upset at the world, as statistics show that in every measurable way, disabled people get the short end of every stick. But that’s not my fault, just because I might have some measure of success, I’ve achieved something that they haven’t been able to achieve, through no fault of their own.

My natural response to this is to apologize. I feel bad that some others that are more talented than I am and work harder than I do are people without work. That’s not right. It is unjust. So I’d apologize for being able to do something that society had not allowed others to accomplish. In the end, I’d apologize for, essentially, having a talent, taking advantage of opportunities, and working really hard to achieve something like my stable employment (which isn’t necessarily stable, but that’s a different issue).

But, it’s not actually my fault. Yes, I had some luck, or, more accurately in some areas, less bad luck, than many. So I got the chance to work, if I was willing to work hard, improve my skills, and adapt somewhat to a corporate world. As you see, the luck was only part of it though. Luck alone wouldn’t have given me employment (this in no way means that someone without employment is unemployed because of any reason other than bad luck though, so please don’t misunderstand).

Here’s what I say to those who have criticized me for having some measure of “success” in my life:

Before you criticize me for the mere “sin” of holding a job, consider this: You don’t know what prejudice I face at work. Nor do you know what my skill level is, and whether it might be significantly better or worse than someone else’s. You don’t know how hard I’ve worked or how many interviewers rejected me because I didn’t follow all the right unwritten rules. You don’t know how my disability affects my work. Sure, you might know some things about this from what I’ve written, but you won’t have the complete picture. I might actually have the job I have based on my merits. In fact, I might merit a higher paying, more prestigious, or whatever, job than I have, but due to prejudice I hold the job I hold. Sure, it’s also true that I might not deserve the job I have, and that incompetent management felt I was far more skilled than I am – but that’s the point. You don’t know.

I’ve learned that I need to work much, much harder than a non-disabled person, and produce a much higher quality work product than a non-disabled person, just to stay employed. That’s not right. I’ve learned to accept a lower salary than others with my skill, experience, and training demand. That’s not right. And often it is ignored completely by people who feel I am immoral for achieving any measure of success.

But it’s not about how much I’m a martyr for working so hard. I don’t believe I am a martyr, nor do I want anyone to see me that way. The key is that I’m not the reason that other disabled people don’t have success in some area that they feel I have success in.

It’s important to direct our anger when we don’t have success (and there’s plenty of areas where I don’t, yet should, because of prejudice) towards those responsible. Someone shouldn’t be asked, nor expected, to apologize for not facing the same degree of prejudice. Society, or, better yet, specific people who exhibit prejudice should be asked to do this instead.

We shouldn’t have to feel bad about achieving something. We should be thrilled that we achieved something, often even more so because of the social prejudice we face. Being happy about a success doesn’t minimize the struggles someone who faces more prejudice than can be overcome faces. It doesn’t make that prejudice right, in any way. These are independent things.

One person can have success that they earned. Another can be denied success that they have earned. One should be happy for the one, and upset on behalf of the other. There’s nothing wrong or inconsistent about that, nor is it blaming the problems of the one without success on the victim.