If I could turn back time…
September 22nd, 2007In the 80s, Cher sang “If I could turn back time.” Among other things, the song says:
If I could turn time,
If I could find a way,
I’d take back those words that have hurt you,
and you’d stay.I don’t know why I did the things I did,
I don’t know why I did the things I said,
Pride’s like a knife,
It can cut deep inside,
Words are weapons,
They wound sometimes.
The song is in the context of someone who drove a lover away based on their pride. Normally, I can’t stand love or breakup songs, as romantic relationships are not a high priority in my life. But I like this one.
The reason I like this song is that it acknowledges something that is decidedly “wrong” in the eyes of society today: that words can harm. (Don’t believe me? Listen to the next “political correctness” argument, which will likely be an argument that claims the words used aren’t a big deal)
Now I’m not a fan of the woman in the song seeming quite so desperate to get her lover back – I do think she should get over it, but, heck, I’m not obsessed with romantic relationships, so maybe this is normal behavior. But, even so, there’s a message regarding disability here.
I’ve not yet met anyone who showed perfect understanding of every possible disability. But I’ve met people that respect disability and people who don’t. The ones who do have one thing in common:
They admit they are wrong sometimes, and then apologize. They are willing to eat their pride.
I know I’ve done plenty of wrong things before, with disability. I’ve teased others. I’ve used disability traits as a reason to laugh at someone (note: it doesn’t matter if the person you laugh at is disabled or not; If I laugh at people who don’t exercise, because they are unathletic, I’m also laughing at people who are unathletic for other reasons – and my justification otherwise is bull). I’ve dismissed other people’s disabilities because it didn’t make sense to me. I’ve done a lot of wrong here.
I hope I’ve swallowed a bit of my pride and made amends for these things whenever possible. And I hope I do this next time – the more someone learns about disability, the more important this is for them to do.
So, you want to be an advocate for disabled people? It’s simple: Listen to us, and be prepared to be told (even after years of advocating) that you are insulting someone. Be prepared to accept this, learn from it, and apologize. Even if you, yourself, are disabled, you don’t get out of this – you will be the furthest thing from an advocate if this isn’t the foundation you build your advocacy upon.
Perhaps this is why some of us think the best accommodations, support, employment, and education come from humble people willing to learn rather than “autism experts.” Perhaps the non-expert has less vested in proving that he’s right.
As a parent, i want to learn and have found the best way is from blogs like yours.
So i will carry on listening.
Let me just say that I’m glad you’re listening to words of wisdom, rather than the so-called autism “experts”, Casdok.
Now, in response to the blog post: you know, you’d *think* that this would be common sense (obviously it isn’t). Kinda curious what mental gymnastics someone has to go through upon being told that something is insulting, and yet disbelieve that. . .
Is dosnt take long as your child is growing up, to see that the experts are not experts!
I’m overweight. It’s remarkable how many people think it’s OK to ridicule and dismiss overweight people. It’s one of the reasons my real picture will *never* end up on any of my blogs – one less reason to dismiss my words outright.
Everyone is valid. No ones words should be dismissed.
So true. If I don’t do this, I hope someone takes a clue bat to my head.
Slightly OT…I responded on LJ, and another LJer kindly noted that you might not see my comments there. Do replies to your LJ posts still get forwarded to your email account? I’d assumed you were either too busy or too bored with me to respond. :p (And that’s okay, but I’ll at least leave comments where I know you’ll read them.)
I don’t see the comments on LJ typically – they don’t get emailed to me because of the way this shows up on LJ.
Then I hereby apologize to you–again–for that time that I posted about a child being forced to clean feces in the school restroom. Because my child also smeared feces, I didn’t have a problem with the punishment…until you pointed out that there was likely bullying and other issues coming into play. I know my post was hurtful to read, and though I didn’t intend for it to be hurtful, it was.
But I guess I’ll quit responding to the LJ posts. Oops. :/